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“Without Me” is probably the most personal song I have ever written - perhaps the most personal I will ever write. At the end of 2017, I was at the lowest point in my life: a life fueled by anger and resentment which resulted in important relationships being lost, my self-respect diminished, and my faith shaken. I had to start over. In every possible way. Turning inward, something I had always hated doing, I split myself in two. There was the Ethan before that year and the Ethan after and beyond. The former was a person, a boy, stuck in insecurities that went unhealed. The latter, a faith driven, self-improvement centered man. Is he perfect yet? No, no one is ever perfect. But, in order to get to this good place I’m at now, I had to let go of my past self. He is slowly coming back to me in parts. I am picking out the negatives and tossing them out after I reconcile with each one.
The song came to me after I had a conversation with one of the beautiful people I pushed away with my “reign of terror” as I like to call it. She reached out to me and told me that the distance was important and necessary, and that she hoped that we both would become stronger people apart.
And I think we have. I owe her so much.